Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
