I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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