he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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