I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
