I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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