Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
