hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
