Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
