the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
