none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
