Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
