I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
His nipple licking is glorious
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