you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
