I am midnight drunk by noon
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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