And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
