Your dad touched me again.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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