PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
