I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
