the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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