saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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