Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
