Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
