Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
