maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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