we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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