I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
