Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
