Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
