Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
