turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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