i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
