these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
