I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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