had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we're so committed to being not committed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
