Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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