Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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