the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she looked like the before picture.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
