Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
