I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
