Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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