your thong is hanging out like whoa
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
