my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
