i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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