M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
