I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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