i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this just has baby written all over it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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