just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
