I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
