how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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