I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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