Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
